Real Life Comedy

Nothing is funnier to me than other people and their relationships, or attempts at them. I'm that asshole that is never in a relationship and judges everyone else's, I know this, and when reading this you should know that too.

But honestly, society has built up the relationship and it's importance so much so that it controls peoples thoughts, emotions, actions, even lives. There are a few different types of people when it comes to relationships that I have been able to pick out.

• The settler. This is someone who wants to be in a relationship so bad that they will take anyone who will take them
• The gold digger. Everyone knows what this one is, what people don't know is that it isn't just about the money. The gold digger can be someone who is in it for anything other than emotion, ie fame, friends, name dropping abilities (watch those toes), arm candy.
• The faker. This person doesn't want to be in a relationship at all, they don't want to do any of the work that a relationship requires, but they are in one anyway. Who knows why?
• The serial monogamist. Is in a relationship because it is all they know. Can often be a settler as well.
• The user. Related to the gold digger but is only interested in the sexual aspect of the relationship.
• The hopeless romantic. Thanks a lot The Notebook, Clueless, Sweet Home Alabama, and every other chick flick that has both genders falling in and out of love with "the one" every time they meet someone new.
• The lonely hearts cluber. This person is in a relationship because they have no friends and need something/someone to make them feel okay about being an introvert. Ironically this is a symptom that can develop (and often does) once in a relationship exclusively associating with the significant other in favor of a more balanced existence.
• The poser. A lot like the faker but you can tell why they are in the relationship, because relationships are cool, duh! It's like shoes or Daft Punk to them.
• The cheap trick. Because they want you want them. They need you to need them. They love you to love them.

I'm sure there are more but those should cover just about everyone. Oh yeah and then every once in a while you will find real thing (note: I can only cite Johnny Cash and June Carter as evidence for this since I'm pretty sure that's the only real relationship that's ever happened). And to all the offended, thanks for being in a relationship and taking this so seriously, that's the real life comedy of it all.